Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. FAVORITE. And I kill it in the costume department. I was Britney Spears (hot Mommy Mess version) and a Laid-back Mormon (I wore jeans) in one year and an American Apparel Model Pre-buyout (ass zits and razor burn) the year before. When Ashlee Simpson fucked up on SNL, I wore an indy grunge outfit with Chucks and jigged awkwardly all night to a recording I made of “Pieces of Me” on a minicassette player. The list goes on. 

Last year I missed Halloween due to working a wedding the next day. Sucked. This year, I feel like winging it…It seems that Mario Batali is going to be a “Dictator” or “Dick-Tater” by wearing a potato on a crotch-length string. Here are some similar easy ones for you lazy, uninspired food lovers:

• Sourpuss (lemon on a string)

• Whore (crabs on a belt)

• Asswipe (windshield wiper sticking out your pants in the back)

• Scarlett Johansson (ribs slathered in BBQ sauce as a low-hanging necklace)

Have fun everybody! I may be a-seein’ you! (I have a really good idea for my costume if I go out. I’ll take pics…)

Note: Check out our lovely Miss Kat Diehl as Britney’s paparazzi!